I wasn't ready to say goodbye...

I know the time is never right to say goodbye forever to a loved one, and I know in my heart that both my parents are better off than they were here with us. As I said in dad's eulogy, there is no more pain, no more suffering, but damn there's times I wish I could just pick up the phone and call them.

I was straightening up my living room in preparation for some friends coming over and I was putting something in one of the drawers of mom's china hutch that is now at my house. I haven't opened that drawer probably since we moved that piece of furniture to the location it is in, so over a year ago. Some of mom's hand cross stitched table runners were in there along with placemats and napkins and I lost it. The bad thing is, now is the time that I've gone off my anxiety meds!!! So here I am typing about this so I don't totally lose it and end up in the hospital like I did 10 months ago.

Mom was always working on her cross stitch projects. She had multiple projects going at once and would put so much time and effort into each and every one of them. Both of my parents had a creative side, mom with her cross stitch and dad with his wood working. I'm trying to find my creative outlet through so many different mediums that I can't decide which one I like the best. I've tried cross stitch but that can be so very tedious to me. I like etching glassware and making things with my Cricut. I like editing photos and videos on the computer. I was even asked by someone if I was a graphic designer based off of an image that I had posted on Facebook. That made me feel good because it means I'm getting better at that creative medium.

Ok, now that I've totally gone off on a squirrely tangent unrelated to why I started to create this post my anxiety level has dropped, the tears have stopped flowing and now I want to go create something!! I think I may need to start adding some of the graphics I create to here!